One of the most popular subjects today is about developing Positive Relationships. In order to develop a Positive Relationship, it is important to identify the boundaries of relationships.
So what I think is important is to identify what is a toxic relationship. Because this will be the relationships that are important to avoid and to eliminate from you life.
Whereas say a negative relationship may well have the potential to become positive with both parties being aware of the negative aspects whilst working together and within themselves to change the negatives to positives.
No matter what the intensity of the relationship is, all relationships involve two people.
In this article I will be presenting to you these two main characteristics to help you to understand, being able to get your head into the right space to identify these people.
Then you will be able to come to a better place both with attracting and choosing positive people therefore allowing you to have positive relationships.
What are Behaviours that Identify someone as a “Toxic Person”?
In discussing the aspects of what makes a person toxic and how this may affect you. It is important to understand the term toxic and what makes a person toxic. Toxic is a term that is generally used to describe something that is detrimental to you or your health. This is usually things like chemicals, drugs, alcohol and various additives to foods that you may be exposed to that will lead to you becoming sick, maybe even leading to disease or death. Now I want to look at the term toxic people, this is a term used of people that live self destructive lives with say excessive consumption of alcohol, drugs and other various anti social activities. These people suck the life out of anyone who comes into their path. They are unreliable, excessively needy, demanding, often habitual liars that will leave you feeling totally wiped out, drained of both physical and emotional energy. These people can come across from time to time as loving, caring and people who you may feel are quite nice, if it wasn’t for their destructive habits. In general toxic people aren’t happy people, always looking for the worst in a situation or person. They tend to be problem makers rather than problem solvers.
Is this Label True?
Looking at the definition of what goes to identify a toxic person. It’s important to remember that we have used toxic, just a label to get some clarity within a situation that involves this person. The person that you may find fits this toxic label may not physically kill you by spending a great deal of your time with them. So it is important to make it clear here that the toxic label in itself may not lead to the death of you. But to the death of you and the person that you want to be. Just allow the label to allow some clarity for you, as to what will be the outcome for you, should you continue this relationship and the effect it will have long term for you. Being around people who demonstrate toxic behaviours, isn’t just about the negative influence. As we said you can change a negative to a positive. It is often possible to see the positives that come out of the negatives. Being involved in relationships of toxic people, you may well be robbed of the very core essence of who you are, how you want to be and the life you want to lead. You will find yourself continually working to rise above not just something that is negative but something that will be sole destroying both for yourself of the person involved. Continuing such a relationships both you and the person involved will end up becoming destroyed. By leaving the toxic person, that person may well stay the same, maybe even become worse. Important to remember that it is not worth having two lives destroyed. It is their decision and choice to remain the same. By removing yourself from the situation or detaching yourself. You give yourself the opportunity to live a positive and non toxic life. Also the toxic person has a greater chance if that should be so, to changing their circumstances. But remembering that no-one can change anyone else. It is up to each individual to firstly make a decision to change.
Understanding the Triggers
Now on viewing your current friendships and relationships, it is important to differentiate the difference between negative and toxic. A toxic person will have an impact on you, where you will feel helpless, emotional, frustrated and sometimes even bringing you to tears. So it is important to clarify the impact these situations and people have on your thoughts and feelings. By tuning in and focusing on your thoughts and feelings. This will help you to understand the impact this person is having on you. The difference between toxic and negative. Is that with the toxic person you will encounter an initial feeling of helplessness, you will also feel that this person has no thought of your feelings or what you have to do or what you want for your life. It will always be about their dramas, their dilemmas and not being cruel for the most part it will be because of their toxic behaviours and activities that have brought on these dramas.
Important Questions to ask yourself and help you to Identify & Clarify if this is a toxic person or if they are just having a bad day!
Identifying the Triggers
- How does this person make you feel? Do I become anxious, fearful or extremely stressed?
- How does this person affect my thinking? Can I think clearly or does my thinking become all foggy and unclear?
- How does this person change your perspective of how you feel or think about you? Do they support positive life decisions?
- Do you want to spend time with this person or just run away?
- Does this person make you feel like you have to continually be changing who you are?
- Does this person talk about working through things and taking 0n board positive changes?
- Does this person just blame everyone and everything for their current situation?
Take Charge of the Triggers
Now that you have spent time on reflection with either current or past relationships, you will have a clearer picture to help you to understand why you are feeling these triggers when in the company of such people. The first important thing to look at when learning to take charge or manage your relationships more effectively is to think about your life. Understand your feelings, coping with your stresses and how you could handle your life in a positive, constructive way so as to not bring about toxicity within your life. Before distancing or removing yourself from this relationship or friend is vitally important that you understand that it is the actual person bringing about these triggers and not some past upset or issue not relevant to this person that is creating these triggers. The reason for this is that by just removing yourself from the relationship or pushing away the friend, you will not deal with the feelings and triggers within your own self or life circumstances. The chances are that this will not be the first or last time that you have to deal with a toxic relationship, so it important to learn to focus on learning and improving your coping mechanisms in a positive way that will serve you well in the future. By working through these processes you will become better at dealing with difficult situations and people.
The answer may not always be to break up that relationship. This is where exploring your inner self, your desires and how you want your life to be will give you clarity as to what you need to do. That will be best for your core desires and aspirations for your life.
“If a Person brings more Pain & Hurt into a Relationship than Happiness or Joy. Then it is time to either let the Relationship Go”
If the person is Living in your house then they need to leave: If it is you Living in their house, then you need to Leave.
In Summary with Toxic vs Negative
A toxic relationship will be one that if you remain fully involved and a part of it long term. Then the toxicity will definitely bring about harm and possible loss of you achieving any level of success within your own life, because it has sucked the very life out of you.
A negative relationship may not necessarily be negative if two people are willing to change the negatives to positives. Implementing positive thoughts, activities and actions into their life. Setting goals into place and working to achieve them to each person has a level of success and achievement.
For Further Support: Taking Charge and Developing Positive Relationships
Empowering You to Optimal Health Julie Doherty N.D