Relationships are an Important part of Life. Whether this be Friendships, Lifelong Partners, Work Colleagues and Acquaintances
Learning to Establish Long-term Positive, Constructive Relationships is necessary for Lifelong Happiness & Emotional Wellbeing
However, it can be Tricky and Somewhat Confusing
Often leaving you feeling that it may be Easier to just be alone!!
So Let’s Look at Healthy Ways of what you can do to Enjoy & Develop
Positive, Happy and Constructive Relationships in all areas of your Life
Rising above Negativity, not to allow this to effect Relationships with either You or Others
The fact of the matter is that Relationships are a necessary part of your life. To have the understanding that relationships are necessary without you becoming needy. An essential part of developing healthy relationships is have a clear understanding of who you are and becoming somewhat self-reliant so that you aren’t needy or high maintenance. It is important to decide that you are developing this relationship because you want the relationship, not because you need the relationship.
What is important is to establish a Positive and Happy Relationship with YOU!!! Loving every aspect of you and your life. Understanding what makes you tick. Recognizing and respecting your feelings, emotions, what you want for and with your life. Being Happy with – Where you been, Where you are and Where you want to be: Most importantly is to be happy in the NOW!!
By doing all of this it will help you to set some Boundaries and Understanding with your Loved ones and other people in Your Life
Always to Remember that no one is Perfect and to Aim for Perfection is Disastrous. However, to aim for Love and Understanding is Essential for a Happy, Healthy Life. Strong, meaningful relationships are built over a life time of constant change, commitment and patience.
So What do I mean by Boundaries?
- Understanding what is expected of you and what you expect from someone else.
- Knowing what you will accept and will not accept when it comes to how people speak to you.
- How far you will allow them into your personal space and how far they will allow you into their personal space.
As humans it is very easy as we get caught up with living life, working our chosen job or career that we tend to forget what our needs and others needs are and what our role is in fulfilling these needs.
The first step is to know what your role is and your commitment. Know what you expect from yourself and what people expect from you. This is important for both the workplace, a club, group, friendships and intimate relationships. Helping to deflect any misunderstandings.
Another important aspect is to understand your own emotions and what makes you feel secure, comfortable, productive and happy. This will help you in understanding the level of engagement especially when it comes to your fellow workmate, your personal space, helping relationships to function more effectively and smoothly. In the work place there is a fairly clear understanding of the necessity for these clear boundaries, but when it comes to personal relationships the idea of boundary development is still quite new, not completely understood and can be challenging. It is however, just as important if not more important than the workplace because it will be your personal relationships that are you core foundation for a healthy and meaningful life.
Establishing and Build Healthy Personal Boundaries
A Clear Understanding of Your Emotional Limits – There aren’t too many people that don’t come into adult life with some issues from their childhood experiences. As you move into relationships in your adult life some of these experiences may arise unknowingly and unwillingly. They may even bring up post traumatic feelings causing anxiety, depression and panic. Learning to understand, working through these past events, experiences will help with building boundaries to support you with bringing balance to your emotional health.
Understand your Physical Limits – It is important to push yourself and to learn just what you can achieve. Oh my gosh if you never did that, you could remain stuck never to know your full potential. It is necessary to know when to say NO! When to take time to yourself! This will also benefit your emotional wellbeing because when you become over tired or overstressed, your emotions can go into overdrive where everything appears to be worse than it really is.
Tune into your Feelings – The way you feel will come from your thoughts, your thoughts come from your subconscious, bringing up past experiences, often making the way you feel unbearable and intolerable. Not to really understand why. To bring these thoughts to your conscious mind to recognize where they are coming from and to get a clear understanding as to whether it has any relevance to your present experience will allow you to take control and let the feeling go, if it interferes with your present moment. Feelings of anger often come about because deep down, the other person or experience isn’t behaving, being or going in the way you would like. Feelings of guilt come from feeling that you aren’t being or doing your best. Often to bring up past events where you may have even made mistakes or said the wrong thing. Feelings of resentment and jealousy come about often because you will think that someone has it easier than you or that you aren’t doing what you want to do. Tuning into to these feelings and understanding the place where they are coming from will help you to bring some flexibility to your boundaries or to change them when necessary.
Deep Feelings of Discomfort – Learning to recognize and understand your feelings is of major importance. As mentioned there will be feelings that need to be let go as they may not be relevant to what is happening in the now or be rationale. However, you do have an inbuilt self-protective mechanism that if you have a feeling of deep discomfort from a person, activity or event, then take notice as this could be a cue that your boundaries are being violated.
Understand your Core Desires – Your core desires are your life map of how you want to be, how you want to be treated, what you want to contribute to life and how you want your life to be. These don’t have to be complicated or unrealistic but necessary to give you a foundation for developing your boundaries.
Take Care of You – Always to remember when you take care of you and don’t engage in negative habits. You will be in a better position to be there and contribute positively with your relationships such as being a friend, a mother, father, employee, employer, daughter and son. Recognizing the importance of your feelings to honour them, let go of feelings that don’t serve you well and embrace feelings that protect, enhance and enable you to move into a happier, more positive place.
Be Direct – Often when you begin to verbalise your boundaries, others will challenge you. It is important to make a clear statement to your actual decision. Each person is different and this is where mutual respect comes into play. An example of this maybe the fact that you don’t drink alcohol, you are invited to a work event, where people are wanting you to engage in drinking alcohol. All you have to say is that you don’t drink, no explanation needed. The same can be said for anything else that you want to refrain or not engage in. In these scenarios you may actually feel the need to go home.
Setting boundaries becomes easier with time, learning of life skills of constructive arguing and disagreeing. Like anything it takes Practice, Practice and Patience
Establishing and Maintaining Workplace Boundaries
An individual’s professional boundaries can be defined in terms of a job description, as long as it clearly outlines basic responsibilities and reporting relationships. However, many times job descriptions define work responsibilities in terms that are too broad and general. In such cases, specific clarification of an individual’s duties and responsibilities will be required before an effective and efficient workplace can be created.
Your professional boundaries become more clearly defined when you can answer all of these questions:
- Who gives you your assignments?
To whom do you report?
Who gives you feedback?
Who sets your work priorities?
How are your company and client personal information kept secure?
Fairness is an Important Key when it comes to Boundaries
This is to establish your own boundaries, not allowing positive or negative feelings to influence your decisions?
When professional or personal boundaries and priorities are clearly defined, it’s very likely that a group, family or couple can function far more effectively, without someone to take a lead. If everyone is communicating what is on their minds in a warm, friendly yet in an affirmative voice. It becomes much easier for each person to understand what is expected of them, what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, each person will then feel safe and comfortable with their roles.
Smooth Functioning within an Organization
No matter whether it is in a business, group, club or home environment there will always be challenging moments, even with the best plans things will go wrong. In order to help with smooth running keeping a clear understanding of what is expected from you, what you need and expect is a tangible demonstration boundaries that develops healthy commitment and trust between each of you.
It is the responsibility of the team leader to set the tone of the group by clearly defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviour within the environment. An effective leader understands that failing to define boundaries, having no boundaries, or having inappropriately rigid boundaries can have an unfavourable impact on their organization and employees. In some cases boundaries need to be firm. For example, lying, stealing, or verbally or physically abusing others is never allowed. It may sound as if the responsibility to create a smooth functioning organization falls only upon the team leaders; however every team member has a role to play as well. It is the responsibility of every individual team member to be willing to speak up to a colleague or supervisor and clearly define their problem and help find a resolution that works for everyone.
Another important area that should be negotiated is interpersonal boundaries, because professional and interpersonal boundaries substantially impact workplace productivity and the quality of social environment. Interpersonal boundary parameters include:
Tone in Your Voice
The attitude and approach co-workers use with each other.
The ability to focus on work objectives even with people you don’t like or with whom you are having personal conflict.
The ability to effectively set limits with others who have poor boundaries.
Clearly defining the consequences when a boundary is violated and sticking to it.
Boundaries will have no meaning if your actions don’t back up your words.
Where to Start with Workplace Boundaries
Ideally, workplace boundaries are carefully negotiated in an open discussion about responsibilities, goals, and priorities prior to starting a new job or beginning a project. Even if this type of understanding wasn’t reached beforehand, it’s never too late to improve your interactions with your team members. Here are three core skill areas to help you get started:
1. Know your limits: what you can do well within the allotted time frame.
Don’t exaggerate your ability by overselling it. Give accurate estimates. Delivering a good product on time will improve your credibility, while missing deadlines or delivering a substandard product will only hurt your reputation.
2. Tactfully and openly communicate about goals and limitations.
Don’t try to undersell or misrepresent your ability. Underselling artificially prevents you from being able to demonstrate your professional skills, which might affect your career advancement. When discussing your limitations, focus on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it. Keep your focus on your positive intentions; ask for help when it’s needed to ensure good quality work; actively engage in problem solving, and don’t complain about the problem. Ensure that others are receiving the message you intended by asking for feedback when it’s not forthcoming.
3. Be available to discuss differences and reach agreements.
Reflect back your understanding of the other person’s needs, interests, and concerns. Attempt to negotiate win-win solutions.
Establishing boundaries and priorities go hand in hand because they both help manage interpersonal relationships in the workplace and in your personal life. Understanding and establishing your boundaries and priorities go a long way toward establishing productive work environments, amicable, close personal relationships based on trust, honesty, compassion and commitment.
People who have established long term successful relationships have come to learn and understand the importance of understanding and establishing boundaries and priorities that will be beneficial both for themselves and the people in their lives.
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Maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships.
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