Are you finding it difficult to “Give Yourself Consent to Be True to Yourself – Allowing your Life to Move in the direction that you want it to go”.
Do you seem to come to like a brick wall when attempting to implement the things you want and how you want to be in your life.
I want to help you here by sharing some of the things that may be blocking you and to give you simple solutions to move past the difficulties that you are finding to give yourself consent or permission to be the person you want to be, do the things you want to do and experience life as you want to experience it.
What is it that is Preventing or Blocking you from a Happy, Healthy, Abundant and Nourishing Life?
Is it something as simple as giving yourself the consent or permission to follow your dreams, be who you truly want to be.
Where this becomes difficult is that we live in a society where from birth we are programmed to ask for consent for the things we want to do. An example is that you would have asked your parents if you could have a snack when you were hungry between meals. You could have asked for your parents’ consent to play a particular sport or go to a friend’s house. These being fairly normal.
However it could have been something worse you may have been told to do something that you truly didn’t want to do. Like play with a certain friend that was constantly mean to you or play a game or sport that you didn’t want to play.
As you grew older it may have been the need to ask for consent to use you own money to purchase something for yourself. It could have been to ask the teacher in class to go to the toilet. You may have been prevented from going because as the teacher wanted you to finish a task.
Looking upon some of these consent or agreements that have been put into place they can be quite archaic.
Now don’t get me wrong it is important at times to let people know what we are doing. Especially when other people and situations are involved but not as a consent or as form of permission.
Let’s face it whether adult or child if you need to go to the toilet you need to go and you are going – “Just letting you know”.
Not long ago I woke up this particular morning “With the wind taken right out of me, depleted and “Sick”. Clearly this was time for me to give myself consent to have a day of rest. This I did, there were no questions I just stated to my family that I was unwell and wouldn’t be doing anything today.
Giving yourself Consent on a Regular Basis
Most of people are unaware that by allowing themselves to continue with society expectations of asking for consent may have grave effects upon people’s self-worth. So it is not uncommon as going into adult life if throughout the stages of growing up, if you haven’t been given the opportunity to gradually begin to make decisions for yourself, allowing, giving yourself consent to follow what you want to do (that is not going to harm you or someone else) that this patterning of always looking for consent or permission from an authoritive figure will then appear within your marriage, your work and other relationships.
Some examples of this is that you may refrain from buying yourself a new item of clothing for fear of disapproval from your spouse, peer group or other. It could be in the workplace where you are in the middle of a project or finishing something for your boss and you need to have a day off either because you are unwell or a family member whom you need to care for.
The biggest problem that seems to occur especially with women is a feeling of guilt after giving birth and the need to rest. There is the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and caring for the new born. All a little overwhelming where you definitely need to give yourself consent to rest and gradually work back into these roles sharing the responsibility.
The only way you are going to be happy, providing a stable and healthy base for your life including those of your family. Is in giving yourself consent to do things that you love, that you are passionate about and feel will help you in fulfilling your purpose of who you are meant and want to be.
Making this shift instead of asking consent or permission from others, give yourself the consent and permission to follow your dreams, your life’s purpose.
I remember telling my husband that I would “Never” do anything that was harmful to myself, him or the family, but that I had to be ME!!! Giving myself consent and permission to make my mistakes, enjoy my successes and follow my dreams.
This shift is empowering allowing you to have hope, joy and peace that you are following your life’s path.
Steps to Giving Yourself Consent and Permission to Be YOU!
Making the decision to allow yourself to be your own consent master is a process. Beginning with small, incremental acknowledgements. Starting just simply with when you are tired or sick or just need a rest allowing yourself to rest, take some time out.
As you begin to put into place these processes of consent, acknowledging the fact that it is all OK.
Following these steps on a Daily basis – Will make the “Process of Giving Yourself Consent Easier”
1. Turning Care and Compassion on Yourself
At first you may find it a struggle giving yourself consent or permission, as you are no doubt a very caring and loving person who has a tendency to put others first. People have become dependent on you because you are always there to help, encourage, and pick up the slack before you even begin to take care of yourself or what you need to do. This is the very foundation that causes burnout. The best thing here is to turn this care and compassion that you are demonstrating upon yourself (FIRST). Your priority is caring for yourself, because if you don’t then you won’t be able to care or be a functional person for anyone else.
2. Trusting Yourself
Yes this is a tricky one I know, but do you know that the more that you trust yourself to make decisions the better you become at it and guess what, it builds your self-confidence and self-esteem. Even when you make a mistake, you will learn to fix it, you will learn to work through problems. You have an inbuilt consciousness inside of you that at every moment within a day, it will be guiding you to your highest good.
But the trick here is that you firstly have to believe and be aware of this. Then allow yourself consent to trust your inner you that guiding light. This comes when making any decisions whether that be toward your health, procedures or plans that are going to be right for you. It is a bit like the traffic lights there is a green light where when something or someone is right for you, you will feel an ease, there maybe even a little voice that you hear in your head saying “Yes” this is OK. Then there is the red light that brick wall no matter what you seem to do you just can’t get past there. Then a feeling of not just anxiousness or somewhat fearful but you almost feel totally paralyzed. This is the time to step back and wait. Let things unfold without making a decision or commitment until the green light comes back on.
3. Release Your Need for Approval
When you are looking to others for consent or approval regarding something, you are putting yourself out there for judgement. Now in saying this I don’t mean that there aren’t times when you need to talk things over with other people especially if they are a part or involved in the decision making. It is important to be clear what you are wanting, if it is just to get something clear in your head for your own sanity. It may be planning a holiday with someone else and you would like to state the things you want to do and also know what they are wanting to do. It may well be looking for a better solution to a problem therefore looking to find out other people’s opinions so that solutions can be put into place.
4. Ask Your Angelic Guides for Help
You have Guardian angels that will support you in any changes, concerns or worries that you may have. They will support you when asked in handling a situation better or allowing you to feel peace when you may be feeling quite distraught. To get there support you just have to ask them. Here is a site that I have used to find out my guardian angels. But before all of the internet and easy access to all of this. I have and still do use the Lord’s Prayer: T
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen. As my Balancing Guide
The four main Guardian Angels I pray to – Michael, Gabriel, Raphael and Uriel
5. Acknowledge and Feel Your Emotions
Once again as a society it is thought that there is something wrong with you mentally if you acknowledge or express your emotions. However your emotions are the very core of your ability to understand yourself and in turn to understand other people. So in giving yourself consent to take on your own decisions and actions within your life. You will come across an array of emotions. By allowing yourself to take a rest or have some time to yourself there may be feelings of guilt, or anxiousness as to what you are supposed to be doing. You may have made a decision to follow a certain career or life path and have feelings of doubt or loneliness or confusion because you are concerned of what others think. It is important for you to know that your feelings are connections between your physical body and your mind and inner core. Feeling these emotions is important for you to gain clarity in letting go of the need to please other people and looking at the need to please you. This is not meant in any way a self centred or self-absorbed way. It is about coming to an understanding that if you aren’t fulfilled, happy or following your path. Then there this will have a negative effect on relationship with other people. By learning to respect, honor and love yourself. You will then have the ability to engage these feelings toward your relationships in your life bringing about true inner feelings of love and commitment.
6. Love, Care and Respect Yourself
The first step here is to place your hand on your heart and say – “I love you”, “You’re Precious”, “Your Beautiful in every way”, (Beauty isn’t just for women) True Beauty is the inner core of being. Forgiving yourself – to know that you truly love yourself.
I know this may sound so strange to begin with but with practice, sometimes lots of practice, you will love the way this exercise will have you feeling.
7. Taking Time to Meditate
Meditation is all about connecting to your higher self, your positive thoughts, the positive you. You can meditate in the park, at the supermarket isle whilst waiting to be served. In a coffee shop over a latte, in bed first thing in the morning before getting up. In a bubble bath or sitting, lying on the couch. Praying is also a form of meditating to bring in the positives. Never let a day go by without taking time to do this. I allow a half an hour in the morning and a half an hour at night before I go to bed.
8. Defining the Why’s!
When you come to planning your day, the tasks, projects whatever you want to call them what are you saying to yourself. Are you saying that “I have to do this” or are you saying “I can’t do this”. These are both disempowering and not helpful at all when it comes to having a fulfilling and productive day. So let’s look at replacing the “I have to do this” with “I want to do this”. The “I can’t do this” with “I don’t want to do this”.
By making simple changes in how you word things can make all the difference in prioritizing and accomplishing the tasks at hand. By changing these simple phrases you will also be empowering yourself. With the “I have to do this”, makes it seem tiresome and you feel unwilling to participate. By changing it to “I want to do this” you have programmed yourself for success. So what’s with the “I can’t do this” in comparison with the “I don’t want to do this”. You may well ask how this can be empowering. Quite simply because you have defined the problem and it isn’t your inability but the fact that you don’ actually want to do this. No matter what you are going to do or learn in life there will always be components that you aren’t going to want to do, but have to do if you want to achieve a positive or end result. Just ask me having run a small business for many years and studying, there have been many things that I have done, that I didn’t necessarily want to do. But because I recognized the difference that it this and not the fact I couldn’t do it. Guess what I have gone ahead and done it. Many a time to even my own surprise and joy that I have accomplished it.
9. Daily Give Yourself Consent to Be YOU!
As we have mentioned you may feel uncomfortable, sometimes even selfish in acknowledging your ability to give yourself consent to be you. But like anything with practice and time it all becomes easier with you seeing the positive outcomes you achieve. By this I am not just talking about career, I am talking about every aspect of your life, by putting these processes into place you will have deeper, more meaningful relationships, you will enjoy a better quality of health and happiness. You will learn to make better choices that are going to support you, yet give you the freedom to be you. Begin with making a list of the things that you give yourself consent or permission to do. Gradually work through this list, just taking your time to become that, you that you want to be.
Ten Ways to Begin Giving Yourself Consent!!
Do this Daily!!!!
1. Rest as you need to: Everyone gets tired it is normal, so take time to rest, and get a good night’s sleep. Always to remember the dishes, the laundry will wait for another day. Prioritize what is important to you, that needs to be done and why!
2. Be Happy Everyday: Feeling the joy in everyday, whether it be from finishing a long awaited task, to the birds singing in the morning, from someone paying you a compliment to just have the ability to be and do things that you are able and want to do. Ways to lift your spirits: paint, sing, dance, play your favorite music, love the people whom love you.
3. Release Toxic Relationships: Toxic people whom are doing damage to themselves with no thought or consequence to their behaviours or to other people. These people will drain the very essence from you. Make a point in creating relationships where the people take responsibility for themselves, who care and have compassion. Because guess what this will make you feel so much better.
4. Love Your Body: It is vitally important for your mental health to stop comparing yourself to other people. Especially when it comes to air brushed models, whom in reality have the faults the same as everyone else. It is important to take care of your body, have a sense of pride but not to become obsessive. Buy the clothes you like and that have you feeling good about yourself and happy. Love your hair care for it and have it in a style you like. This may be difficult to begin with go through magazines choosing people whom look similar to you, to get an idea of what you like and fits with you. Also doing mirror work, looking at yourself in the mirror each day, straight into your eyes saying to your Body – “I Love, Accept and Care for you every day
5. Trust your Inner Voice: Your intuition. I want you to take a moment and step out of your comfort zone, take a deep breath and say to yourself. Does this feel right? Maybe it is a new career path, improving something about your health and fitness: Simply speaking up for something that you feel you need or that is right.
6. Make Life Simple: In your world today you are surrounded by so much. The major percentage of it being quite detrimental to a healthy mind, body or life. So I love the expression and use it regularly especially if I am having to make difficult decisions – “Keep it Simple Stupid”. Focus on what truly matters, what is truly important to making your life whole. This narrows down to what I believe to be two things – “The people in your life that you love and the people who love you”. Remembering that true love is about always wanting what is best for you and that is to be happy in constructive and positive ways.
7. Forgiveness: Learning to forgive is a process that requires not only forgiveness when it comes to other people who have brought about pain, grief or heartache in your life. It is also about forgiving yourself for the mistakes you have made, the vulnerable positions that you have found yourself and letting go of negative past experiences. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting it is about remembering how you have managed to move past those experiences and the lessons that you have learnt.
8. Allowing yourself to say YES!!! When you allow yourself to say “yes” to something you truly want as part of your life. This is empowering to you, giving you the hope, the joy and the consent that whatever you want, when you put the necessary processes into place you can have it. It is also empowering to say “No” to the things that you don’t want that are going to prevent you achieving your dreams, your goals and that will deprive you of becoming the person you want to become.
9. Release Feelings of Guilt: I remember reading a long time ago that guilt was only needed if you were off track and doing something that may be harmful to yourself or others. So using guilt as a way to get you back on track to giving yourself consent and permission once again to be who you want to be. Allow the guilt to share with you the lesson, learn it then release the guilt back to the universe.
10. Always Be Yourself: Trying to fit into someone else’s shoes, trying to be what someone else expects of you will only cause you drama, heartache and sorrow. Be yourself – this article will help you to uncover who you are, who you want to become and how you want to be. Empowering you to feel happy and fulfilled with your life. Understanding it is the incremental steps that you take that make all the difference, not necessarily the big step.
Empowering You to Optimal Health Julie Doherty
Naturopath, Health and Life Coach