Don’t Drown Trying to Save Others
Learn 6 Important Steps
To Building the Life you want & still being there for the people you Love!
Not Drowning in other people’s life circumstances, trying to save them is a difficult lesson to learn, but a very necessary one, for continuing to Build your Life. The way you want your life to be and how you want to be.
It can be so Easy getting caught up in other people’s drama, mistakes, mishaps in Life. Often combined with Toxic Behaviours and Habits. This is especially difficult with our closest and dearest family members whom we love so much and just don’t seem to be able to help them. In this article I will teach you 6 Important Steps, to Building the Life you want, whilst being able to disconnect emotionally, from other people’s life circumstances, yet still being there.
You’ve Been There & Know you Can Help!
What Happens When You Can’t Help?
You know what it is like to overcome hurdles, obstacles, great pain and move on to happier lives where you have risen above and learnt from these experiences in your life. So eager to see these people being able to do the same as you. You go about sharing your knowledge, you help them out physically, emotionally: Yet to no avail.
You feel helpless, overwhelmed, somehow inadequate because you haven’t been able to help this person or people. Wondering what you have done wrong or what more could you do or have done.
Guess what – NOTHING Yes- NOTHING more: the ball is in their court so to speak. You will find for your own sanity and to prevent this from having a negative effect on your life, health and wellbeing. You will need to distance yourself, not becoming involved each time they call or cry out for help.
This may well seem harsh, but for you to have any positive effect on this person’s or persons life it is vitally important. Now I am not going to promise you that you will have a positive effect on their life. But I know for a fact that it is not going to help either of you if you drown in the process of it all. This will happen if you do not put boundaries into place and emotionally detach yourself from the situation.
What Setting Boundaries Means!
Personal boundaries or the act of setting boundaries is a life skill that has been a strategy implemented by psychologists, natural therapists, counsellors and health coaches since about the 1980’s. Personal boundaries are established by changing one’s own response to interpersonal situations, rather than expecting other people to change their behaviours to comply with your boundary.
Because let’s face it, no-one really knows that your boundaries are. They are something that come about by understanding and getting to know yourself. What are your goals, dreams, the type of person you want to be and the life you want to live.
Main Benefits of Setting Boundaries
- Helps to Prevents Burnout – Understanding how much you are prepared to take on, and what you believe will have a negative effect on the relationship for both of you.
- Prevents the aspect of “Not to Drown” in an effort to save someone else. It is not your responsibility to rescue or save someone else, sometimes all a person needs is a someone to listen.
- Allowing each person to respect one another’s feelings, understand that each person, no matter what your relationship to one another is, have their own individual, wants and needs.
- Everyone is Different. There is a worldwide reason for that and that is because each one of us, has a different role to play in life. Another important aspect of understanding boundaries is that not everyone learns at the same pace. Depending on each person’s skill and life experiences will have a different impact on their ability to learn and on what they are going to take on board.
- Helps to Build Happier and more Positive Relationships. No-one wants to drown or get pulled away from Building and Living their life, no matter what. And also, no-one else really wants to feel responsible for someone elses life falling apart.
- Setting Boundaries helps to provide balance in your life. Giving you a chance to think, feel and be.
Boundaries don’t have to be communicated verbally, they can be set by you within the realm of the decisions you make as to what you are prepared to tolerate without causing yourself discomfort or distress.
An example: You will not tolerate someone yelling, swearing or someone being verbally abusive to you. So you will walk away, hang up the phone. You might say before doing this, that you won’t take being spoken to like this or you may choose to say nothing. This is where trusting your gut lies. It is important to remember never make a verbal or even physical response if you are feeling upset or angry. It is better than to say nothing and allow the situation to diffuse.
3 Key Steps to Setting Boundaries
- Understanding what is expected of you and what you expect from someone else.
- Knowing what you will accept and will not accept when it comes to how people speak to you or behave towards you.
- How far you will allow them into your personal space and how far they will allow you into their personal space.
6 Steps To Build the Life You Want!
- Lead by Example: People will learn more by you paving the way, allowing them to Rise above their Challenges without Criticism or Judgement at their pace.
- There are Choices to Make: As do each one of us, the people whom are facing challenges within their life, have two choices either they will learn and decide to change their life. Believing if you can do it then so can they, or they won’t and continue on. This is where it can be difficult especially when it comes to family, your adult children because you love them and don’t want to see them go through these difficult times alone and you want to see them happy, rising above them. All you can do is your Best! Pray for them! Then continue with your life without feeling guilty or ashamed of where you are because you have worked through your challenges.
- Guess what though – That decision is entirely up to them, but you are not going to help them or yourself by continuing to be involved in their dilemmas.
- Continue to Send Loving Thoughts: Never Stop Loving them, believing in their abilities – Allowing them to follow their path without intervention just visual guidance by following your path.
- Delegate: Delegation isn’t just for the Corporate World it also works within your Personal World and Lives.
- Remember the biblical saying: “Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day: “Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for Life”
Obviously, this doesn’t matter whether you are man, woman or child. Share your knowledge
Encourage, Praise and Teach where you can, then to leave the outcome in the hands of God and the Person Involved! There is a saying that is important to Remember -” God helps those who helps themselves”. This is a difficult lesson to learn, because as a caring person, you want to help anyone who is having a difficult time.
This lesson was vitally important for me within my clinical years, if a client was implementing changes, following suggestions, toward improving their health and life, I would give them 110% of my time, however, if they weren’t and argued against all suggestions, making excuses,
I soon learnt that no matter what I said, they weren’t about to make any effort to improve their situation. I then would both kindly and warmly make other suggestions that didn’t involve me. If I didn’t do this, I would have become “burnt out”, to drown in the fact that I was unable to help them and be unable to help the people who did want to make the changes, to become well and improve their lives.
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