Do you often have an overwhelming and emotional feelings about whether someone likes you or not. I know for many years I did, isn’t it horrible the way it just seems to squeeze any ounce of joy, pleasure or happiness from you.
Today I want to go through with you about how to stop worrying if someone likes you or not. I would like to point something out here about worry in general if you allow yourself to worry about someone or something have you found this to make things better or worse. I know for me it makes things so much worse. As this does with worrying about people liking you.
It’s not about not caring about what people think, it is about not allowing this to rob you of your dreams and happiness. Instilling feelings of fear and self doubt within you.
This I know that you already know and have recognized these feelings. So in this article I am going to share with you steps to put into place that will help you to remain accountable for your happiness and future without allowing what other people think to sabotage or prevent you from following your life and your dreams.
It is very normal and the majority of people tend to worry about what people think. Many people grow out of this with maturity and realizing that it is preventing them from doing what they want and love to do that is good for them.
Here I want you to uncover what area/s are of most concern to you about what people think. Is it with your personal life? your career? Is it with your parenting? Is it on Social Media?Is it with your Body? Is it what you Eat? Or Is it just about with everything, all of the time?
It is important for you to get a pen and paper because it will help to write down your thoughts and answers to any of these questions that are bothering you. By getting these thoughts from your head to paper is the first step to helping you to get your head around the effect that this is having on you and your life. I know you are all savvy with the internet and digital stuff. But it has an amazing powerful effect when you actually writing your words to paper.
What Happens when you worry about What People Think!
When you’re worrying about what other people think, you are only guessing or making assumptions. There is no real way of knowing, even if you think that you know. People don’t know what you are thinking – “Do They?” It is impossible to know what people are thinking mainly because there is no way of getting into their heads. Understanding their past experiences or even present circumstances. Most people are a closed book when it comes to exposing anything about them personally, especially to someone they don’t know. Does that sound familiar. How well does someone else know you. Even a long time partner or close friend. So the same goes for you knowing someone else and what they are thinking about you.
What Your Brain is Doing!
I want to explain to you here what is going on within your brain.
And number two, I’m going to explain to you why you do this though. Your brain hates vagueness or any form of doubt, it likes to be able to work things out. It wants you to know, putting all the pieces together with nothing left out. It’s like when somebody begins to tell you a story and you get interrupted you are desperate to hear the rest of the story. Because you want to know and have a feeling a great urgency that you need to know.
Therefore in your mind and the mind of the observer, the people you are with. Your mind is attempting to fill in the blanks, for some of you with very active minds this may be more prominent than with someone else.
Your brain is doing this as a way of protecting you, understanding if this person is going to cause harm, or be a positive person within your life.
Why Your Brain Searches for Negatives!
Why is it that when you meet someone straight away your brain fills with negatives. As mentioned previously this is it’s way of keeping you safe.
Your brain recognizes that you don’t know this person or what they are thinking about you. So it is going to assume the worst, that way it is kind of protecting you. So understanding that your brain hates vagueness or any form of doubt. It will bring to your attention things such as: “Are the single, married, have a partner, children?” “Are they gay or straight?” ” Are they happy or sad?” “Do they care about people?” “Where do they live?” The more information your brain can attempt to establish the happier it is because remembering it likes to fill in the blanks. It’s not a form of judging but a form of wanting to know more in order to feel safe and protected.
So Why do I Worry about What People Think?
What I am about to go through here is a little bit tricky and may hit a bit of a sore spot. But anytime you are going to acknowledge things in order to change and move forward is going to hurt a little.
The reason why you worry about what people think is because you haven’t thought through the processes of what you truly want for your life. Therefore the focus on what people think is because you haven’t put to mind what you need to do to build your life. What makes you feel happy, what you want and need to do to achieve the things for your life. So you become focused on other people and their busyness, their schedules and agendas.
Allowing that time to gel for a moment. Have you noticed that people who are very busy with their own life, planning their dreams and outcomes. Don’t seem to worry about what other people are thinking. Let that sink in for a second.
This isn’t about being rude or not caring. But it brings about a renewed focus and also understanding because your heart is in making your life work you are no longer concerned about what other people are thinking about you, because you have moved those negative thoughts away from your brain. Your brain having a sense of working with you now in building your life. Bringing about an awareness that you no longer have time for negative thinking or worrying about what others are doing, wearing and then the same goes where you are not worried either. It designs your life in a way that you have a sense of respect and honouring of other people’s lives. Because you are now working on your life.
It’s all a sense of growing up, becoming mature and taking responsibility for your life and bringing about healing your wounds to build a life a substance, value that you can be proud of, not someone else.
Difference between Being Kind, Warm and Caring to that of a People Pleaser!
You might say but Julie I like people and I don’t want to become hard or non caring. I agree. I too love people, that is why I am writing this article because I love you and I want the best for you and your life. But I don’t have to please you or make you happy that is not my role.
This is how I see my role whether that be with you or anyone who comes into my life. Is to be honest, sharing my knowledge and lessons that I have learnt through life whilst also being true to myself. To have respect for you and your life with the understanding that you have the right to follow your dreams, goals along your own path within your own time. Without bringing harm to yourself or to other people.
The problem with attempting to be a “People Pleaser” is that firstly you will fall short because you are not going to be able to be yourself. Those negative brain patterns are going to run rampant filling you with self doubt and worrying about what the other person is thinking about you. Secondly, none of you, that is no one is going to please or be liked by everyone. You must have noticed this as an example you may well love Elvis Presley finding all the positives in him and you will come across someone who can’t stand him bringing about all the negatives.
Focus on Liking You!
What is important is that “You Like You”. You know yourself better than anyone learning to focus on the things you like about yourself and what will make you “like you”, is the first and major step to emotional healing. The best thing about this is that if there are things that you don’t like how you are, you don’t have to tell anyone, but you have the power to change them to what you do like and you are changing these things for yourself not because you think that it is what someone else wants. Because remember that word assume, you will only ever be assuming that it is what someone else wants.
The Truth of the Matter!
Honestly speaking most people don’t care about you, not being nasty. But are focused on their life and the only time that you will make an imprint is if you do something remarkable or terrible. Otherwise in general people just get on with their lives, allowing each other person to get on with theirs.
If you are Happy, Healthy and Vibrant
The People that Matter in your Life will be Happy for YOU!
Additional Resources – Planning a Happy, Healthy Life