Today I am focused on sharing with you the challenges that parents face with their adult children and steps to work through these.
Unfortunately our adult children don’t always see this and often can be quite critical of their parents and parent’s lives without realizing the hurt and pain they bring to them.
Let’s take a look at the important areas to be addressed –
Forgiveness that no-one is perfect and no life is perfect. Life is all about learning lessons to move forward to positive and happy times. So in this element forgiveness is a vital key to continuing a positive relationship with Parent and Adult Child.
To Remove all Blame – Yes it can be so easy to blame either your parents or parents blaming their children for things that either go wrong or haven’t happened, that they would have liked to have happened or taken place. So REMOVE ALL BLAME!! You still have time to enjoy your life, learn from your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. Nobody else can rent a space in your mind or your life unless you allow them to.
Focus on the Positives -it is so easy to get caught up in the things that we don’t like or annoy us. Here it is vitally important to way this up and keeping it SIMPLE, most of the time you will find that the positives out way the negatives.
STOP COMPARING – This is a major problem when it comes to having a positive relationship with your adult child or vice versa. “When I was young I didn’t behave that way” or “What would you know (Mum or Dad) that was in the old days)”. Live in the here and now: Remembering that each of us has our own path to follow, therefore as close as you might be to your children, they are their own individual people, this is the same when looking at your parents they are human, normal and just people like you!!!!
Love One another for Each of you Are, Not what you want Each other to BE – This is a tricky one whether your Adult Children are what you see as the right path or the wrong path (which can be very difficult, feeling an array of emotions), it is their path. Now this is where distancing your relationship may be necessary and allowing their life to take its course.
For a parent this is very difficult especially if they can see harm coming to their Adult Child’s life or their Adult Child causing harm to other people. The importance here is to still let them know that you love them dearly and that it is their behaviour that you don’t condone. Believing that they will grow and move away from these negative behaviours. It is important that as the parent you continue to live your life in positive and constructive ways, not to allow your Adult child’s behaviour to bring you or your life down.
Understand the Elements of Control – One of the most difficult things for a parent to come to terms with is that as a parent especially as your children go onto becoming teenagers, then adults we lose control of the external elements that affect our children and their behaviours. What is necessary to be understood here is the only control you have here is with your behaviour as the parent and with how your child acts or behaves when in your home or your company. So setting boundaries of how you want your children to have respect for you, your spouse, your home, your life and your feelings is what you have control over. Always to remember that this works both ways as your children are now adults and deserve the same respect.
Life isn’t Perfect and there are many rocky roads, however for each step forward you make toward –
Love, Happiness, Empathy and Understanding is another Step closer to the Building Positive and Happy Relationships.
Here is the Link to my Article: Letter of Love to Your Adult Children – A Parents Love Never Dies
For Further Support: My clients have found Cognitive Counselling and Massage helpful in Coping and Making Changes