Bad Things Happen to Good People
In this Article
How to Cope, Deal and Work through Difficult and Challenging Times
I have learnt throughout my life that they are inescapable. It seems life deals you a deck of cards and amongst this deck of cards are times of loss, tragedy and grief. This is different for each person but the reality is that to not allow these times to destroy you or your life. To allow them to build strength, courage and endurance within you.
In your deck of cards these difficult and challenging times may be with your spouse, partner, family members, your own children, friends, finances, health and so forth. It is what is comes with life, it’s the package that no-one escapes. It is by becoming aware how these tragedies affect you and learning ways of coping and dealing with them that is positive and constructive.
The first thing that is necessary during these times is that you treat yourself with kindness and love. It is natural and easy to go into the self-blame mode or blaming someone or something else. To become angry with yourself, others and the world. It is important to acknowledge these feelings but not to hang on to them, but to let them go as they will not serve you or anyone else well. You will have times of feeling totally distressed, depressed and helpless. It is during these times that being kind and loving yourself is of vital importance to your sanity and strength. Strength is built not by ignoring these feelings but by acknowledging them, understanding them, embracing them as part of who you are “A Human Being”, but not to allow them to take over who you are.
Straight from My Heart
I once had a young woman come to see me and on talking asked my age, when I told her she said “My Mum is your age, but isn’t as good as you:
She must have had a harder life.” I said would you like to know a broad version of my life, she said “please I would love to”. After telling her, she said
“Oh my God you have had it a lot harder than my Mum”.
So what did I learn to do different well I will begin to share what may seem simple steps, however as I am sure you are aware nothing is easy, it is all a matter of choice.
These steps that I am going to share with you are from the my own life experiences and how I have learnt to cope:
As I found there are various stages of your life where events are happening externally, that are out of your control.
I will share with you here my late teenage years. My parents who were not coping at this time became very violent, explosive and controlling.
The only escape for me and the chance to build a life I wanted was to run-away from home. I did this at 18 years of age, with only the dress I was wearing.
I have since gone on to a happy marriage, three beautiful sons, a career in Naturopathic Medicine, that I love in helping and supporting people to become well by addressing the underlying causes of ill-health and disease. As Naturopathic Medicine principles of based on lifestyle and lifestyle habits, it also gave me the necessary foundations and tools to put into practice with my life and my family’s lives.
Throughout my life and the lives of my family, clients and friends there have been times of great sadness, dysfunction, trauma and grief.
So why am I telling you this because I want you to know that you can have a lot of difficult things happen in your life and still go on to build yourself a positive and happy life.
Learning to forgive, work through and rise above these challenging times to build positive relationships with family, friends and ultimately yourself. Learning the art of “Never Giving Up”. That the sun will come out again tomorrow.
7 Steps to Overcoming Tragedies, Loss & Grief!
- Learn to forgive: No one deliberately has it out for you each person is going through their own stuff. Where you draw the line is if they let their stuff impact you, by becoming angry, nasty, and abusive with their actions having detrimental effects for you. So forgiving doesn’t mean that you put yourself back into the fighting arena, you are well within your rights to back off and say this isn’t on and I will not allow you to treat me this way. This also includes forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and misdemeanours, therefore learning no one is perfect including yourself.
- Learn to Let Go: Wow, this can be a really tricky one and can take some time especially when it involves people we love. When I say let go I don’t necessarily mean letting go of the relationship but letting go of your responsibility toward what the other person needs to take responsibility for. We do not have control over anyone else, the same as no one has control over us. The best way we can have a positive influence with our loved ones is to get on and build a positive life for ourselves.
- Work out what you want: These may well sound easy, but I worked through Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within” and he mentions that one of the biggest problems is working out what we want, to fulfill our needs. You test this, if you ask someone what they don’t want, they can give you a list as long as your arm, however you ask the same person what they want and they will struggle to tell you one or two things. So test this on yourself, then I want you to put together a list of the things you want that are going to fulfill your needs. For example: I wanted a husband who would not only love me, but like me. I know that sounds funny but I had seen this so many times in relationships. So then I went about working out what I needed to do or things I needed to put into place for this to happen.
- Remembering that Life isn’t all about YOU: This may sound funny because throughout all of my work I will always drum in the importance of looking after YOU. Because you are important, however when we become full of our own importance only, not seeing others as being important this leaves us feeling isolated, alone and sometimes overwhelmed as to what to do with our life. So my meaning for this is that you are on the big scale of life a very, minute dot, but with your individual life you may well be a very powerful source when it comes to what you share with your loved ones, work colleagues and friends. For example you may be a brilliant surgeon saving lives every day, however there are many wonderful surgeons all over the world doing this. This doesn’t make your work any less important, just that you are not alone. There are other people doing wonderful things too.
- The Realization that you are Human: Yes I hate to remind you that you are human: you will cry, you will become angry, tired, confused, happy, sad and somewhat detached at times to life and people. I want you to know that this is all NORMAL. When it becomes abnormal is when it goes on for long periods of time without any change or incremental improvements if you are continually feeling sad, depressed, angry etc.
- Learn to communicate: Yes following on it is important to talk about your life and events, no matter how trivial or how terrible they may seem. However choose wisely whom you share intimate details with, ensure that it is someone whom will not make fun of you, feel sorry for you, but walk alongside of you giving you the opportunity to work things out.
- Seek Professional Help: Over the years I have sought counselling, spiritual support, self-development courses. I have continually listened to subliminal CDs to help me work through areas of my life I wanted to change or improve. It is not that you are a lesser person for seeking help but a person who has understood that you are not perfect, there is no such thing but you want your life to be BETTER:
“Every day gets a Little Easier with Each Step You Put into Place”